(Originally written for a feature magazine writing class at Millersville University. Dated 2/9/10)
Scott Freehoff
Feature Writer
MadWorld
No More Heroes
Flower
The World Ends with You
Frequency
Psychonauts
Jet Set Radio
The Mark of Kri
Gitaroo Man
Little King’s Story
How many games on this list do you recognize? How many of them have you played? Every year, beautiful, artistic, challenging, genre shifting games get overlooked by the mainstream audience despite glowing reviews from members in the industry.
So why is that?
“Why make something ‘great’ when ‘good’ sells better?” says Scott Ramsoomair, creator of VGcats, a popular, online web comic that focuses much of it’s material on the gaming industry.
Rafael Rivera, free-market game programmer and designer who formally worked for Gorilla Systems Corporation sits down to help elaborate further. “Casual games are a necessity; the market cannot survive simply on the hardcore fan base.” He admits immediately. “The issue occurs when the creative drive is lost in favor of simply making money.”
“Not everyone is doing it for ‘the art’; a good example would be The Sims. They don’t have to care about a Metacritic rating; they know who they’re selling too.”
“But casual audiences aren’t the only ones who continue to buy.” Rivera continues. “Quick-cash mentality causes the hardcore audience to become forgotten due to over-saturation of the market.”
The Casual Revolution
There have been several “Casual Revolutions” in the gaming community since the Magnavox Odyssey brought the consoles into the common household. The first one occurring two years after the North American Video Game Crash of 1983.
Atari 2600 (5200)
Bally Astrocade
ColecoVision
Coleco Gemini
Emerson Arcadia 2001
Fairchild Channel F System II
Magnavox Odyssey 2
Mattel Intelevision
Sears Tele-games System
TandyvisioN
Vecktrex
It's easy to forget there were so many...
All of these systems flooded the market, each with it’s own library of poorly created games pumped out by third party companies hastily financed. With no core fan base to build games to, and a massive over-saturation of the market, the industry was doomed to fail.
Then along came Nintendo, that home brand name everyone knows and loves. The Nintendo Entertainment System, (NES) cleverly referred to as an “entertainment system” to avoid association with consoles from two years earlier, helped revitalize the American video game industry, and set the standard for subsequent consoles in everything from game design to controller layout. In addition, with the NES, Nintendo introduced a now-standard business model of software licensing for third-party developers.
The industry took another turn in 1994, when Sony entered the field introducing the Playstation, a disc based video game console that fired a massive marketing campaign to reel in the slightly older, teenage demographic.
When the Nintendo Wii hit the market late 2006, it created a shift from video games being something “weird” to play past your teenager years, to something your Grandmother plays.
“Everyone owns a Wii.” Rivera points out. “To the point where I think sales will drop simply because there’s no one left to sell it to.”
The numbers don’t lie either. NPD reports that Nintendo’s Wii topped the charts all of 2007 and 2008, showing a sudden halt, and decline starting in March of 2009.
“How many of those people own Wii Sports? How many own more than two games? How many have turned their Wii on in the last week?” Rivera continues to vent his frustration. “There are great titles on the Wii, and yet no one buys them because for all intensive purposes the Wii is a fashion statement.” He lets loose a brief sigh. “It’s trendy to have a Wii, not to actually play it.”
Over-Saturation in the Market
If you play games even a little bit, you’re probably familiar with games like Rock Band, Halo, World of Warcraft, Call of Duty, Tony Hawk Pro Skater, and the like.
Actually even if you don’t consider yourself a gamer, there is a strong chance you’ve heard of at least one, if not all of the titles in that last paragraph.
Not to say those games are bad though! Far from it actually. They are however, games that many in the industry would describe as “whatever stuck” when companies threw a crap-load of ideas at the drawling board.
“With games like Guitar Hero, it's certainly cemented the 'group party game' genre and revived the rhythm genre, or at least put it at the forefront of the industry.” Rivera says. “The problem is it’s almost certainly over-saturated the market.”
Guitar Hero 1-5, Rock Band 1-2, not to mention the spin-offs and expansions both games spawned including Lego Rock Band, the Beatles Rock Band, Metalica, Van Halen, and even the newly released DJ Hero. Even other massive game genres are entering the fray such as Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater series, with their Ride Board.
“Go to a Best Buy, there just isn’t room for all the boxes.” Rivera points out. “DJ Hero is a good game, but the price of $120, drove a lot of people away. (To compare, Guitar Hero was $70 when it launched, a regular game is $60) Tony Hawk Ride Feels like they created the controller first and came up with the game later."
“The Stores just don’t have room, massive price cuts happened to these games when their predecessors were on the horizon simply for the shelf space.” Rivera points back to the chart featuring the Wii’s sales. “And just like expected the sales are on the decline for these. A massive, expensive controller you buy once for a game? The people who have it are done buying it.”
Consider shelf space taken up for games that aren’t selling as well, massive resources be spent to create controllers that can be used for one game, people being charged twice as much, during a recession, when games are arguably too expensive as it is?
“Nothing good can come from it, that’s for sure.” Rivera warns.
Shovelware is just another problem facing the gaming industry. Shovelware, being a derogatory term used to describe software noted with more quantity then quality.
The Playstation 2 had one of the largest shovelware collections In the industry. You can see it for yourself, just walk into any Gamestop store in the mall and peek into their bargain bin.
Yet despite its unpopularity, companies still produce shovelware titles at low cost in the efforts of producing a quick buck.
“Shovelware is also the reason so many hardcore gamers dislike the Wii.” Rivera confirms. “Despite of having maybe some of the best titles on the market, the majority of their library is worthless.”
The amount of producing shovelware only grows with each passing year. An unfortunate trend that reflects the video game industry prior to 1983’s crash. “Unless they tone it down, this really isn’t going to end well for the industry.” Rivera smirks, clearly having given these warnings and speeches before.
Gaming on the Tube (Fading Relevance)
G4 TV, an American cable channel that launched in early 2002 was created with the original purpose of providing gaming information aimed more towards MTV’s demographics. In 2004, the company absorbed TechTV, a more general technology oriented channel with games regulated to a single show. This eventually led to the removal of nearly any technology related programming.
Unfortunately, video games alone cannot carry networks. Especially in this day and age with online news, RSS feeds, online game trailers, and internet blogs. There was a time, when gamers who wished to know what had happened at the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3), would need to wait for their monthly gaming subscription to show up at their door.
Nowadays people update their feeds while strolling through the convention floor. Live press conferences stream from various websites, game trailers appear online in minutes, and game demos are downloadable by the end of the day.
So if the big way to get gaming news from gaming networks disappears, what will G4 TV do? They will show stuff related to the internet of course. They fill their time slots with youtube clips, and other incredibly stupid things that belong on the internet. They show popular movies and cult hits in marathons, stuff which has no real significance to the gaming community.
In turn, G4 TV simply becomes an irrelevant, MTV parody mess, more concerned with keeping any consistent viewers instead of broadcasting to the gaming culture.
In 2003, Spike TV network launched the annual Spike TV Video Game Awards. The show has received heavy criticism from the gaming community since it started running, mostly from accusations that the awards are nothing but a popularity contest. In its first year, a two year-old port, Halo, won the award for best PC game of the year. More controversy arose in 2005 when nominations for Game of the Year included two titles that had not been released prior to filming the award show; both of which were panned by reviewers and gamers alike.
Another heavy criticism of the show has been the overall tackiness, with heavy emphasis on visual stunts instead of anything actually relevant to video games. Celebrities aimlessly being brought on who know very little of the video games being awarded and lame, cheap shot jokes at actual gamers expense. “I am shocked when an actually deserving game wins.” Rivera says. “I’m not insinuating that reviewers are paid off, but I believe that the larger the press surrounding the game helps boost it. So when an original Intellectual Property (IP) like The World Ends with You, with basically no advertising, wins best RPG of the year, I’m a bit taken aback.”
“I do think video game awards are a good idea.” Rivera continues “However the way it’s currently presented, it takes away from the games being treated as a legitimate medium for storytelling. Bioshock is a steampunk art deco themed game that tackles the themes of Ayn Rand and has some of the best “villains” and one of the greatest storytelling methods and realizations in a game to date. And how do they celebrate this triumph of storytelling, atmosphere, and imagery? Nude, body painted chicks.” Rivera shakes his head in disgust. “It’s like if Gran Torino was playing in a strip club.”
A Balance to Maintain
So where is the line between an over-saturated market of quick cash-in games, MTV knockoffs, and the unwavering loyalty from the men who dedicated their lives to saving the princess?
“The first thing I told you is that the industry cannot survive without the casual base.” Rivera sums up. “Because fresh blood is required to feed the cosmic space vampire that games are.”
“The new must be recruited, and then they must continue in the medium so that they will always support it. It’s why you see so much pressure when a new Mario or Zelda game is in production. Because there is a pedigree there for 20 years of service.”
The people who played Mario on the original NES are most likely going to be playing this new Mario when it comes out. But if people are only playing Wii sports… Think about it, how many of them are going to be playing video games 20 years from now?
“If the hardcore fans get disillusioned, they will eventually leave the medium. Then all the casual players who picked up the ‘flavor of the month’ won’t care when in a few years, Nintendo brings out their ‘Wii2 HD BBQ Remix Party Pak’.”
The gaming industry needs to strive harder to maintain this invisible balance that ultimately decides if the market survives or not.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Atheism in the Boy Scouts
(Originally written for a feature magazine writing class at Millersville University)
Scott Freehoff
Feature Writer
“No man is much good unless he believes in God and obeys His laws.”
-Lord Robert Baden-Powell
The atmosphere in the room of the Eagle Scout board review is light. The interview is going well, and the seventeen year-old applicant is both charming and intelligent. Smiling, the chairman asks another question.
“How does your duty to God influence your life?”
The young boy pauses, concern flickers across his face for the first time since the forty-five minute session began. Recovering, he smiles broadly and replies with a rehearsed answer used in situations prior to this one.
“God has given me the support and love I need to become the man I am today. His presence continues to inspire me to do good for the community and spread his word.”
The committee eats it up. The interview continues without issue. The seventeen year-old Boy Scout atheist practically has his Eagle award in the bag.
As many people know, the Boy Scouts of America (BSA) is a heavily private Christian organization, celebrating its 100th anniversary this year. However what many people may either not know or choose to ignore is a vast majority of the members, both scouts and adult leaders, have rejected the teachings of Jesus Christ from their lives.
The Bylaws of the BSA, Declaration of Religious Principle clearly state; “The Boy Scouts of America maintains that no member can grow into the best kind of citizen without recognizing an obligation to God. In the first part of the Scout Oath or Promise the member declares, ‘On my honor I will do my best to do my duty to God and my country and to obey the Scout Law.’ The recognition of God as the ruling and leading power in the universe and the grateful acknowledgment of His favors and blessings are necessary to the best type of citizenship and are wholesome precepts in the education of the growing members.”
One Eagle Scout and current adult leader for his troop, Andrew, was willing to talk about his lack of beliefs on the basis his last name would not be revealed. He told me that like many, he was raised under Christian beliefs and attended church regularly. Yet around the age of 14, he began to grow dissatisfied with the teachings, and showed an increased interest in philosophy.
After declaring himself an atheist, he still chose to partake in the Boy Scouts of America, never really making the connection that his belief system actually forbade him from doing so.
“I remember when I first read about the official regulations to the BSA about agnosticism and atheism. It was something I didn’t know, but I wasn’t really surprised.”
He went on to say that such a policy really made him rethink about choosing a different organization. “I love the Boy Scouts.” He said. “I’ve learned countless valuable skills and I’ve met all my best friends here. If I have to pretend that I believe in God on the rare occasion someone asks me, then that doesn’t’ bother me at all.”
“The Boy Scouts say it’s impossible for agnostics and atheists to be strong role models for children. That’s just silly. I’m an atheist and nobody’s ever doubted my ability to be a role model. The children love me; their parents love me, nobody even so much as questions what I believe.” Andrew lets out a laugh. “I make sure not to spread my beliefs to anyone else, I’m just here to make them a good person, and it’s up to their parents to do the rest.”
However not everybody shares the same attitude when it comes to beliefs.
One instance in the summer of 2008, a female staff member on a scout reservation in the north east was reported telling several cub scouts that “I don’t believe in God. There is no God.” after overhearing the small kids sharing their faiths with each other.
Other, more sadistic members prefer to play games with the children. One scout, who wished not to have his name published, said; “I’ll never tell a kid there is no God. I prefer to plant the seeds and let them figure it out on their own.” He told me with a mischievous smile. “Just casually talk with them and then randomly ask some profound question like; ‘How can you prove you exist?’ Won’t hit them then… but in a few days they’ll just lose it.”
Another gentleman I interviewed displayed a more sympathetic case for himself. “As an agnostic, I’m committed to my belief. However flat out lying to my advisors when confronted just tortures me. I wish I could be in a position to spread my reasoning, but there’s just no place for it here.”
Certainly not everyone I came across had conflicted beliefs when it came to scouting. I had a chance to talk to several, very outspoken individuals who promote Christianity. “God’s word is part of my life, its part of who I am. It’s one of the reasons I got into scouting.” Brian Treadon told me. “It’s a shame so many people in our organization feel this way, but it would be wrong to dismiss them as being an ineffective role model. These people are still my friends and I would trust my life with them.”
Others however, felt very little sympathy towards the atheists. “They know the rules, and if they can’t accept God’s word, then they shouldn’t be here.” said Caleb Brooks. “You can’t be a good person without God’s love in your heart. All those who’ve rejected him are immoral and have no place within this organization. That’s how it was founded, and that’s how it’s run today.”
Criticism against the BSA still continues today, quietly mostly, away from the high extensive media coverage. Various scouting supporters, parents, chartered organizations, and religious institutions have voiced opposition in polices adopted by the BSA. Nearly 100 scouts have returned their Eagle badge back to the BSA in protest of what they call unfair treatment in membership.
Some are calling the BSA a dying institution. Attendance numbers have been on the downfall since the late nineties, especially in the Cub Scout sects, where most people come in at. Many feel that these changes reflect a more privileged membership emerging, where conflicts such as religious preference have no place, while others feel it’s the beginning of the end for one of America’s oldest, and most esteemed youth organizations.
Common Zombie Survival Tactics That Will Get You Killed
(Orginally written for a feature magazine writing class last year at Millersville University. )
Scott Freehoff
Feature writer
"I don't know what's scarier, the fact that zombies could rise or the fact there are actually people out there that can't wait for it to happen.” - Max Brooks
In October of last year, the University of Florida removed instructions on how their students could respond in the event of a hostile zombie apocalypse from the disaster page on their official web site. Officials of the university claimed that the joke just “didn’t really belong.”
Popular fiction’s firm grasp on how zombie infections would unfold has clouded the judgment of many citizens, creating misconceptions on behavior of the living dead and effective survival tactics.
You can ask just about any young American what their zombie survival plan is and you’ll be looking at one of two likely responses; “What the hell is wrong with you?”, or some variation of going to the gun store, getting out of populated areas, and going “zombie hunting”.
Both these answers share one common characteristic. In the event of a true emergency; they will both turn you into the main course for a crowd more ravenous (and coherent too, oddly enough) then stoned undergraduates on a Saturday night.
It would be nearly impossible to instruct someone on all the different ways they can maintain themselves and loved ones in the event of the true “worst case scenario”. The debate of effective survival techniques continues to wage on even today. However, many undead myths and fabricated impressions make their way into everyday survival plans that are constantly fused by Hollywood and other media. These are just some of the more frequent ones, but clear thinking and common sense will help the true survivalist determine fact and fiction when faced with the end of humanity.
Raiding a Gun Shop Won’t End Well For You.
The undead are upon us! And the first step in your personalized survival plan is to arm you with some sort of automatic weapon. You may have constructed this brilliant plan in your head years ago while wondering aimlessly around a local Wal-Mart and stumbling across its gun section. The plan is simple, go in, grab a gun and a backpack full of ammunition, and lay waste to any walking corpse that comes your way.
Just one small problem, you and everybody else will be after those guns.
Chances are you’ll arrive at the store to see it cleared out. Or worse, you’re now in the vicinity of multiple paranoid people armed with itchy trigger fingers. Best of luck to you if you’re unfortunate enough to come across a gun store owner with a misplaced God complex barricaded in his own personal fortress, ready to disintegrate anything that pops up in the no man's land created where the parking lot used to be.
This. Is. My. BOOMSTICK!
Let’s say you have the resources available to obtain a firearm. Now it’s just a simple matter of choosing the right one for the job ahead.
It’s natural to gravitate towards the biggest, nastiest, spine shattering, ammo-wasting, zombie incinerating, automatic monster gun you can get your hands on. After all, the image of standing victorious over a pile of undead corpses with two smoking barrels in each arm is certainly appealing to many.
However, choosing a fun weapon like that will be short lived, and you’ll sooner be running out of ammo and turning into a happy meal for some lucky zombie instead. When choosing a firearm, keep these considerations in mind:
1. Guns are loud, and attract unnecessary attention.
2. When choosing a firearm, make sure it’s ammunition type can be found in more than one or two places.
3. Make sure you understand how to use the weapon, including regular cleaning and maintenance.
4. Guns are loud, and attract unnecessary attention.
5. Light weight weapons are better then heavy ones.
6. Every shot counts. Automatic weapons are a waste of ammunition.
7. Guns are loud, and attract unnecessary attention.
It’s Clobbering Time!
There’s some unusual human desire to bludgeon something to death when gripping any type of hammer or mace. Hollywood takes advantage of this particular emotion with amusing images of the hero or heroin fighting off advancing waves of the living dead with anything ranging from frying pans to cricket bats.
Open up a garden shed or garage door and you’ll see dozens of potential “anti-zombie” toys. But before you try to recreate that scene you saw in your favorite zombie movie, consider the practicalities of your chosen weapon.
Most notably is the power tool arsenal. The chainsaw is a terrifying weapon exploited in fiction as the “death tool” spelling immediate and grotesque destruction against any and all it may touch.
Fans of the hit video game, “Left 4 Dead 2”, may confuse the destructive enjoyment a chainsaw creates for the hordes of zombies for effective strategy. However, the finite fuel supply and unnecessary weight will turn against you dangerously fast. Not even to mention that like any machine, the noise created from the distinct roar of your chainsaw will only help to broadcast “Dinner Time!” to any ghouls within earshot.
Burn Baby Burn!
Zombies aren’t afraid of anything. They don’t feel pain, pity, or anguish. Their basic motivation is flesh (or brains). So trying to scare off a zombie with man’s earliest discovery won’t solve your problems. Sure, a well placed Molotov cocktail fire will eventually finish off the zombie, and incineration of a corpse is the most effective way to clean up your house, and beats touching the smelly bastard. But just remember this one rule; the only thing worse then a zombie chasing you, is a zombie chasing you on fire.
Drive it like you stole it
Many people I’ve talked to about their survival plans always list some type of “tough” vehicle transportation, such as an SUV, Jeep, or Hummer. Cars certainly have some advantages; nearly everyone has access to one, it offers a degree of protection, it can cut travel time by a ten fold, and it’s fun to imagine running down hordes of zombies in your way.
Unfortunately, anyone who’s ever owned a car is more then aware of the disadvantages of fueling, constant breakdowns, and general unreliability, or unattended acceleration. (Experts are still debating if Toyota’s are an effective zombie killing machine) Keep in mind living in a post-apocalyptic world will have more than its share of obstacles to deal with, including other abandoned cars and ruined roads and bridges.
The very last thing anyone attempting to outrun a mass of zombies in a car is only to have that car suffer a fatal breakdown or run out of juice. Don’t expect your sitting duck of a vehicle to offer any protection from hungry undead. Any attempts to escape on foot will most likely end as a meal for the enemy after the engine in your car attracted every zombie within earshot the last twenty miles.
Bicycles tend to be significantly more reliable as a transportation device. Besides the obvious disadvantage of speed and vulnerability, bikes don’t break down as much and are easier to repair if they do. But the true selling point is not just in the quietness a bike creates in an infected area, but its ability to get over and squeeze between obstacles that a sedan just simply can’t. Don’t leave your only remains in the bloodstained cab of an abandoned truck on route 1; get some exercise and pickup a bike while you still can!
No Place is Safe, only Safer
Assuming you’re not planning on going zombie hunting as soon as the infection hits, you may feel the desire to barricade your home against any and all intruders.
Mass panic is to be expected when the first reports of the dead returning begin to break. You, along with just about everyone else will feel the need to escape from the high populated areas. Doing so will only become a death sentence, as the roads become bogged down and violence takes over.
Believe it or not, your best bet in these early stages is to stay home, stay alert, and stay safe. Any attempt to flee with the rest will only add to the anarchy. When you do decide to barricade your home, don’t turn it into an impenetrable fortress. (Pro-tip: it’s not) Be prepared to leave at a moments notice. Have your bags packed with a weapon read to go waiting for you at the door.
Going Rogue!
Despite following every precaution you possibly can to avoid detection while living in the land of the dead, you’re still significantly more at risk then you would be being with a group of people.
Let’s face it; if you were prepared enough to survive the initial attacks, you’re probably not what someone might describe as a “people person”.
There are a host of reasons why someone’s plan may not include others; from a lack of trust that anyone can do the job that needs to be done, to the thought of spending 100% of their time with the same person. Think of your worst roommate ever. Now imagine spending 24/7 with that person, and throw weapons into the scenario. Suddenly being a zombie doesn’t seem too bad…
As much as you hate to think it, working with others will be your true chance at long term survival. Sleeping in shifts to sharing resources, the only way life would ever be able to return to some semblance of normal is by trusting your traveling partners enough to make it through the nightmare alive and together.
“The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation.” – Bertrand Russell
Scott Freehoff
Feature writer
"I don't know what's scarier, the fact that zombies could rise or the fact there are actually people out there that can't wait for it to happen.” - Max Brooks
In October of last year, the University of Florida removed instructions on how their students could respond in the event of a hostile zombie apocalypse from the disaster page on their official web site. Officials of the university claimed that the joke just “didn’t really belong.”
Popular fiction’s firm grasp on how zombie infections would unfold has clouded the judgment of many citizens, creating misconceptions on behavior of the living dead and effective survival tactics.
You can ask just about any young American what their zombie survival plan is and you’ll be looking at one of two likely responses; “What the hell is wrong with you?”, or some variation of going to the gun store, getting out of populated areas, and going “zombie hunting”.
Both these answers share one common characteristic. In the event of a true emergency; they will both turn you into the main course for a crowd more ravenous (and coherent too, oddly enough) then stoned undergraduates on a Saturday night.
It would be nearly impossible to instruct someone on all the different ways they can maintain themselves and loved ones in the event of the true “worst case scenario”. The debate of effective survival techniques continues to wage on even today. However, many undead myths and fabricated impressions make their way into everyday survival plans that are constantly fused by Hollywood and other media. These are just some of the more frequent ones, but clear thinking and common sense will help the true survivalist determine fact and fiction when faced with the end of humanity.
Raiding a Gun Shop Won’t End Well For You.
The undead are upon us! And the first step in your personalized survival plan is to arm you with some sort of automatic weapon. You may have constructed this brilliant plan in your head years ago while wondering aimlessly around a local Wal-Mart and stumbling across its gun section. The plan is simple, go in, grab a gun and a backpack full of ammunition, and lay waste to any walking corpse that comes your way.
Just one small problem, you and everybody else will be after those guns.
Chances are you’ll arrive at the store to see it cleared out. Or worse, you’re now in the vicinity of multiple paranoid people armed with itchy trigger fingers. Best of luck to you if you’re unfortunate enough to come across a gun store owner with a misplaced God complex barricaded in his own personal fortress, ready to disintegrate anything that pops up in the no man's land created where the parking lot used to be.
This. Is. My. BOOMSTICK!
Let’s say you have the resources available to obtain a firearm. Now it’s just a simple matter of choosing the right one for the job ahead.
It’s natural to gravitate towards the biggest, nastiest, spine shattering, ammo-wasting, zombie incinerating, automatic monster gun you can get your hands on. After all, the image of standing victorious over a pile of undead corpses with two smoking barrels in each arm is certainly appealing to many.
However, choosing a fun weapon like that will be short lived, and you’ll sooner be running out of ammo and turning into a happy meal for some lucky zombie instead. When choosing a firearm, keep these considerations in mind:
1. Guns are loud, and attract unnecessary attention.
2. When choosing a firearm, make sure it’s ammunition type can be found in more than one or two places.
3. Make sure you understand how to use the weapon, including regular cleaning and maintenance.
4. Guns are loud, and attract unnecessary attention.
5. Light weight weapons are better then heavy ones.
6. Every shot counts. Automatic weapons are a waste of ammunition.
7. Guns are loud, and attract unnecessary attention.
It’s Clobbering Time!
There’s some unusual human desire to bludgeon something to death when gripping any type of hammer or mace. Hollywood takes advantage of this particular emotion with amusing images of the hero or heroin fighting off advancing waves of the living dead with anything ranging from frying pans to cricket bats.
Open up a garden shed or garage door and you’ll see dozens of potential “anti-zombie” toys. But before you try to recreate that scene you saw in your favorite zombie movie, consider the practicalities of your chosen weapon.
Most notably is the power tool arsenal. The chainsaw is a terrifying weapon exploited in fiction as the “death tool” spelling immediate and grotesque destruction against any and all it may touch.
Fans of the hit video game, “Left 4 Dead 2”, may confuse the destructive enjoyment a chainsaw creates for the hordes of zombies for effective strategy. However, the finite fuel supply and unnecessary weight will turn against you dangerously fast. Not even to mention that like any machine, the noise created from the distinct roar of your chainsaw will only help to broadcast “Dinner Time!” to any ghouls within earshot.
Burn Baby Burn!
Zombies aren’t afraid of anything. They don’t feel pain, pity, or anguish. Their basic motivation is flesh (or brains). So trying to scare off a zombie with man’s earliest discovery won’t solve your problems. Sure, a well placed Molotov cocktail fire will eventually finish off the zombie, and incineration of a corpse is the most effective way to clean up your house, and beats touching the smelly bastard. But just remember this one rule; the only thing worse then a zombie chasing you, is a zombie chasing you on fire.
Drive it like you stole it
Many people I’ve talked to about their survival plans always list some type of “tough” vehicle transportation, such as an SUV, Jeep, or Hummer. Cars certainly have some advantages; nearly everyone has access to one, it offers a degree of protection, it can cut travel time by a ten fold, and it’s fun to imagine running down hordes of zombies in your way.
Unfortunately, anyone who’s ever owned a car is more then aware of the disadvantages of fueling, constant breakdowns, and general unreliability, or unattended acceleration. (Experts are still debating if Toyota’s are an effective zombie killing machine) Keep in mind living in a post-apocalyptic world will have more than its share of obstacles to deal with, including other abandoned cars and ruined roads and bridges.
The very last thing anyone attempting to outrun a mass of zombies in a car is only to have that car suffer a fatal breakdown or run out of juice. Don’t expect your sitting duck of a vehicle to offer any protection from hungry undead. Any attempts to escape on foot will most likely end as a meal for the enemy after the engine in your car attracted every zombie within earshot the last twenty miles.
Bicycles tend to be significantly more reliable as a transportation device. Besides the obvious disadvantage of speed and vulnerability, bikes don’t break down as much and are easier to repair if they do. But the true selling point is not just in the quietness a bike creates in an infected area, but its ability to get over and squeeze between obstacles that a sedan just simply can’t. Don’t leave your only remains in the bloodstained cab of an abandoned truck on route 1; get some exercise and pickup a bike while you still can!
No Place is Safe, only Safer
Assuming you’re not planning on going zombie hunting as soon as the infection hits, you may feel the desire to barricade your home against any and all intruders.
Mass panic is to be expected when the first reports of the dead returning begin to break. You, along with just about everyone else will feel the need to escape from the high populated areas. Doing so will only become a death sentence, as the roads become bogged down and violence takes over.
Believe it or not, your best bet in these early stages is to stay home, stay alert, and stay safe. Any attempt to flee with the rest will only add to the anarchy. When you do decide to barricade your home, don’t turn it into an impenetrable fortress. (Pro-tip: it’s not) Be prepared to leave at a moments notice. Have your bags packed with a weapon read to go waiting for you at the door.
Going Rogue!
Despite following every precaution you possibly can to avoid detection while living in the land of the dead, you’re still significantly more at risk then you would be being with a group of people.
Let’s face it; if you were prepared enough to survive the initial attacks, you’re probably not what someone might describe as a “people person”.
There are a host of reasons why someone’s plan may not include others; from a lack of trust that anyone can do the job that needs to be done, to the thought of spending 100% of their time with the same person. Think of your worst roommate ever. Now imagine spending 24/7 with that person, and throw weapons into the scenario. Suddenly being a zombie doesn’t seem too bad…
As much as you hate to think it, working with others will be your true chance at long term survival. Sleeping in shifts to sharing resources, the only way life would ever be able to return to some semblance of normal is by trusting your traveling partners enough to make it through the nightmare alive and together.
“The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation.” – Bertrand Russell
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